You are your child’s life

I debated with myself for a while whether to write this or just keep it to myself. I mean, to write in detail.

But then, it comes to my sense that, well, there might be others who face the same thing as I do, this story might help them a bit. At least for a peace of mind, or as a reminder, or maybe a motivation.

Standard 1 assessment

So yesterday, we went for the boys’ standard 1 assessment.

As expected, well, my boys, did not make much of it, to be accepted at standard 1.
The school is more advanced for their level now but there is more in the school itself that makes me choose to enroll them there.

At my boys’ stage currently, there is no way they can be accepted in standard 1.
If, they stay that way lah.

I was quite devastated, to be honest.
We had few discussions with the teachers and the headmistress about my boys after the assessment.

You see,

I was hoping that when they are accepted there, I will use that as a motivation, target, to intensively enforce a program at home to polish my sons dealing with speech delay, help them to learn how to read, do simple maths and well finally, able to talk, fluently.

I see that as a tool, as a license for me to finally take away those gadgets, limit cartoons’ times, apply healthy eating regime and do physical stimulations frequently, at least more frequent than now.

But then, the teachers did not agree with that, instead they suggested that we enroll in much lower stage, I see everythings crush.

Macam kaca berderai dihempas ke batu.

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It means a lot to me for my sons to be accepted there.
My husband was not very keen of starting our sons at lower level there (they also had kindergarten), because of the fee that we had to pay.

And we will be paying double.

And also, we had to pay for their younger siblings too.

I did not know what to think or how to act.
To make things worst, I blew up to one of the twin when we finally arrived at their current kindergarten. He, was the one who refuse point blank to do the assessment earlier.

What an awesome mother I was. Just great.

I did not know what to feel. I wanted to cry, but I just can’t. I didn’t feel optimistic either.I was trapped with my feelings and thoughts.

Finally, I choose (force to be exact) to talk to my friends and one of them gave such a beautiful reminder, that I could not help but to share here.

*the rest of them console me in a way that I cannot thank Him enough for having them in my life.

After my long ranting to them, she replied me this,

The right action at the right time

We might see things so far beyond, but we should appreciate things right in front of us.

Have you congratulate both of them for today’s? Pat their shoulders. Say they’re awesome. They are wonderful. No one would say that other than the mother. And we don’t want the teachers be the first to say that before us.

Always show that you feel blessed and great having them as your children. Just don’t care whether our husband bothers to say that.
Mothers are madrasah to the children.
Kata ibu lebih dekat dan lekat.

Allah buat sesuatu ada hikmah yang kita tidak akan dapat fikir dan nampak.
What if they are in primary but couldn’t be at par with other friends

Don’t they feel burdened?

If they excel in kindy will they feel they are awesome?

If we cried and show our frustration, they think that they have failed you.

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Oh my..
I feel like running to one of my twin boy who I expressed my frustration earlier, to say sorry and to hug him tightly.

He was showing his frustration because he feels my frustration too.
His twin, wiped my tears when he saw me cried silently in the car.

What my friend said is true, I forgot to appreciate what is in front of me.
I forgot that despite their speech delay, my sons could do so many things to please me.
If they sense that I am unhappy, they will try to cheer me up.
If they know that I forbid this and that, they always work hard to obey my restriction.
When I need a hand, at least one of them will show up and help.
They are so wonderful in many ways.

I am a bad mother, most of time.
I always asked them to remember this or that, but I tend to forget so many good things about them.

*sigh

As a parent, you are your child’s life.

What you feel, who you are, will be reflected upon your child (or children). If you are positive kind of person, you child will grow up to be like one, or maybe much better than that.

If your child feel safe around you, trust you, and love you, how much far the distance he or she will be from you, you always be in his (or her) heart, remembering all good things that both of you cherish in your relationship.

What was more, when your child is a special child.

I know, we, grown ups, have so many conflicts in mind that we failed to see our child clearly. And to feel how it is like to be them, to live like them in their world.

It was not easy to raise a child.

But, while handling so many conflicts that we had, we should step back from it for time to time, or make time, to understand our child. And to use constructive action building happy relationship between you and your child.

They are gift from God.
They are our responsibility.
We will be asked about what we make use of the gift in Hereafter.

Do the right action, at the right situation.
Make it count.

InsyaAllah we can do this.

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