Why did I write in the first place?
I love language. From my love towards language, comes my liking to read. When I read and understand what I read, I tend to discuss (speak) what I read, and the person who encouraged me to do so is my beloved dad. He, after all, is the first person who taught me the value of talking informatively. Then when I started my secondary, I began to diary writing. I wrote it in English as so to avoid my siblings reading them. The diaries full of emotions, what I did that day and things I wanted to remember my whole life. When I lost the affection of writing diaries and started blogging, I realized I must benefit myself and others fully using this platform.
So, I come to this question, why I write in the first place? First of all, this actually the archive for my siblings, my family, my future husband and future kids to know who actually Qider Firdaus is. Why she love to be different from others? Why she seems to think fully of herself all the time? Why she talks a lot about her siblings like 24/7? Why she pride having few girlfriends and boyfriends? Why she so much to be independent? What actually she had in her head? And a lot more questions why she like this and like that. So please, to whom it may concern, make the full use of all the entries here.
I didn’t write to show that I am so intelligent because I read Time (sekarang dah tak boleh baca), Newsweek whatever and how by reading Dewan Ekonomi can calm me down. I know it sound ridiculous (“..reading a very analytic magazine can calm her down? Get real!” One might say that). But honestly, I just want to be a human. Human being who have been gifted with brain by her Creator. I want to exercise my brain and to be sure on how to guide my thinking positively. So that, I will less jump to the worst conclusion and be fully happy with my life even though I don’t like the recent situation.
I really want to know what my siblings have to say about me. Do they love to have me around? Do they really felt hurt with my ‘spice’ words? So, another reason that I write is because this is actually the medium for me to express how much I love all of them, how much they meant to me and I proud having them in my life. How I still remember moments I spent with them. What we usually did. Even though they are all grown ups now, I still want to cling to them and involved in mimicking manga that we love to read. Also my lil’ brother who prefer playstation than manga, my concern towards him never waver from the moment I learnt that my mum had a baby boy instead of baby girl. How much far the distance, how much less the communication, I care for you guys happiness more than mine.
I wrote about religion (and my experiences wif non-Muslims) not to show I am so solehah or ‘alim’ or because I used to be the religion-based school’s student, but I want to share about what I understand and clear some wrong presumption from others. I love reading what Ust Hasrizal, Ust Pahrol and Sis Zabrina (just to name a few) write. It is not because they ‘sound’ like me, but they’re so inspiring. I want to be like that, inspires people, make people feel good bout their life and their ownself. When I behave unlikely, which meant to say, not what your first judgment bout me, please bear in mind, I am just a human being. I can’t help myself not to do wrong things. Please correct me when I am wrong. Please explained to me and asked why I do so. Please, see me as a human, not somebody who too perfect to do such silly mistakes.
Like one of my college pal ever said to me, he loves reading things that I wrote bout my life because seems that I live a very interesting life. It really encourages me to write more and to say this to him:
‘It’s not that I had a very interesting life, but it is me who think and make my life interesting despite of so many spiteful moments’
One last reason why I write, is for you out there, finding your own stories, your own happy moments in my stories etched in every entries. Everyone deserves having his/her own happiness but then the happiness start with the person itself. When you love your life, when you love yourself, it shows within you and you know it, don’t you?