Growing up with them (Part 14)

In episode : Please don’t grow up too fast

I have a friend who has a beautiful daughter. I envy for the fact that her daughter can speak and will always comforted her whenever she cried.  That little girl knows how or who will make her mother happy and even suggested calling that particular person when she saw how miserable her mother was. I was totally thrown with such thoughtfulness from that little girl. And I was forever hoping for a girl or maybe twin girls. But, for the time being, God had not granted it, yet. Maybe He has other plan work out for me.

Nevertheless, I am still blessed with children, even though they are all boys. Three charming and healthy boys. They cannot speak fluently, even a simple word, yet. All they do was pointed, nod and cried out loud to express their thought or need. When they ‘speak’, I hardly understand what they were telling me about, because it has no head nor tail of words. They can’t even address me as I wanted them to. Well maybe it was my entire fault too.

There was one time that I had been silent for several days. No talking, no screaming and I have been distant from them too. My face was extremely tight and I never smile as I can’t. My jaw, the entire face felt like it has been cemented and hardened. I really wanted to hug them, to play with them, laugh at their ‘jokes’ but I refrained myself from it. I am so down, I thought of leaving the house but I can’t, I just can’t, because deep down, I still need them. And I don’t know how much longer God will lend them to me.

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Growing up with them (Part 13)

The power of OBSERVATION: What to do after shopping

I wrote about Rayyan’s quick witted by operating PC on his own before. Since then, I tried my best not to show much of negativity or bad habit in the house (although failing abysmally like every day, but at least, I am trying, huh). Nevertheless, that is not what I want to write about today. Recently, I discovered something else.

It is quite a well-known to those who read my blog regularly that my sons loves shopping (I don’t really understand where they get that from..hahaha yeah right, *grinning). So last Thursday, we went to buy some groceries since all our stocks almost clean out. My elder sons were ecstatic. We didn’t really spend much time there since we need to get their younger brother for a check-up, he was on fever for two days already. After check-up, we rushed straight back home.

As we entered the house, normally my sons would help carrying all the items that we bought to the kitchen, including their diapers. I would then packed every single item in their right place, stocking the veggies, fruits and herbs up in the right containers in the fridge, while the dry items would be placed in cabinet that specifically for food. Well, this time, it was them who did the stocking. I didn’t realize what they were doing at first, I thought they were looking for their yogurt in the fridge, because I was torn between exhaustion and the urge to clean up chicken quickly.

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Growing up with them (Part 10)

In episode : Being a good parent was never easy

It was not wise to scold our children too much. To make it worst, if it involve spanking too. I know it well. I’d learnt all about it, and from my childhood experience combined, I hated it when people shouting at me and beat me. That is why I hated myself when I lost control and shouted at my sons. I have been a bad mom lately. A very bad one. I think I was much more mean than Cinderella step mom, see. *long sigh. And I could see my sons’ faces were full with sadness. There a lot of shouting going on in the house last week and I am not feeling happy about it too. It stressed me out.

I love my sons. There is no denying it. They are very bright and good children. And creative too. The thing that really gets on my nerve is the way they express what they had in mind. They cried. An ear splitting cried. Even though when I went to hug and try to calm them down, they would still cried out lout and struggling to get loose from me. Sometimes, I didn’t get what they really want from me and the result after that was both party were upset, hurt and sad.

Honestly, I know why they cried. Why is crying become their medium of communication with me and hubby.  Because they cannot talk properly. Still in their baby talk thing and most of the time they express their mind with action. If they were thirsty and wanted to drink, they would grab my hand, pull me to the kitchen and point to their usual cup. Sometime they just went to the kitchen, took their mug and fill the plain water themselves. Or when they wanted to sleep and need to drink milk, they just pat me and show me their milk bottle (there were also time the brought their milk powder canister to me too). Normally with both gesture, I got the message right away.

playing with them, ummi still in office attire

playing with them, ummi still in office attire

It would all be okay when I was and am all well, physically healthy and mentally fine but it turns bad when I am not. Sometimes it takes toll on me, struggling to be positive every day. I cried fair few times too when I lost control of myself.

*sigh

Alhamdulillah, He guided me, He lead me the way to be a better mom. There is a parenting coach at Facebook. Her name is Liyana Malik. She already produced an e-book ‘7 saat anak dengar kata ibu bapa’ (7 seconds children listened to the parents). One day, one of my friends liked her status, it was about how children tend to do annoying thing just because they wanted our attention or as an expression of disappointment. It reflected perfectly with my situation. So I liked her page, and everyday keep on drinking her every word just to make sure I stay sane.

Now, I barely shouted to my sons, let alone raise my hand to any part of their bodies. When I am too overwhelmed with anger, I just walked away and turn deaf. If they keep crying out loud, I let them played with water or as a last resort, switch on their favourite movies. When everyone calm down, then we will proceed being a happy family again.

they love the mini pool so much

they love the mini pool so much

It was never easy to raise children. We are growing up with them. Every day, both party learnt something new, embrace problem together and try to never repeat mistakes again. To be a good parent, we need knowledge, support group and lots of guidance from God. Without knowledge, we will always repeat the same mistakes all over again, miscommunication becoming bigger, and demolished bonding between us and our children. Without support group, it was hard to be positive with every challenging day and without guidance from God, we will never find neither knowledge nor support group at all. He will guide us to the best solution ever.

Be a good (and wise) parent. We will never know how long our children will be with us. Make a full use of the time. Decreased all bad moments, enriched happy memories.

We can do it, InsyaAllah. That is why He granted us with children!He knows we can.

Always have faith in Him

Qider Firdaus
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gambaru!

Weaning off and the frustration

I haven’t updates much here on my twins and their younger brother. Well, this is not an excuse but really, I am quite occupied with few things like office’s task, house chores, new blog, reading about so many things and feedback with customers who most of them are my old friends (I am running a small business now). I am trying my best to synchronize those things and at the same time being an affectionate mother to my children. And, I failed dismally. I cannot control myself the other day. Kept yelling to the twins although I knew it well that they actually wanted to spend some time with me.

Their younger brother is no longer direct feeding with me. I think that happened as both of us were apart for two solid weeks. My husband was outstation last week at Kulim and since I cannot be trusted on wheel, so he took our children to be taken care by my family. I know it was a risky move but I was confident that by supplying frozen expressing breast milk, it would be just fine as he had gone through the same situation before. But thing didn’t go as I presume. To tell the truth, I was devastated when he rejected to direct feed when he came back home 5 days ago.

He also kept waking up during early morning (4-5 a.m), crying, unable to be persuaded until Subuh. That continues for 5 days in a row! At last, although I was quite reluctant, I had to accept that he would no longer be attached to me. He, like his twins brother is very close to my husband now. He even asked for his father to carry him, feeding him, nursing him, and I was like..feeling so useless. It was the same feeling I had when I was weaning off my twins.

During the time he was behaving like that (kept waking up at early morning), at first I was on the verge of helpless and started to throw my anger to the twins. But when I kept reminding myself, at least I had been given opportunity to breastfeed all my sons, able to receive bonus from that which is maintaining my figure, and He had given me not just very adorable sons but also a very smart and independent type of sons, I am starting to cool my head a bit.

Like Greg Kinnear in the ‘I Don’t Know How She Does It’ said, “sometimes, OK is just enough”. Yeah, I think I can live with that. I am allowed to feel sad, to feel bad, to cry few times, but I have to move on. I need to concentrate on strengthen the bonding between me and my sons now that they prefer their father more than their mother, rather than brooding on having bad mood.

@ Kuala Terengganu

@ Kuala Terengganu

Life is too short anyway. Keep living up everyone. Allah is always with us. Always believe in that. I do.

Cheers..

Qider Firdaus
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gambaru!

Growing up with them (Part 6)

In episode : We must support each other

Few nights ago (last week actually), while breastfeeding Farhan, Rayyan suddenly running from the kitchen with a food container and happily chuckling. He then sat in front of me and tried to open the lid of the container which was perfectly shut. After few attempts, he finally surrendered (and almost cried in frustration) and asked my brother who was nearby to open it for him. As an understanding uncle, he was not only opened it for him but also told him that the way he was doing before was correct enough but just lacked of strength.

He (Rayyan) then tried to close the lid again. However, there was somebody was watching close by, and when that somebody seemed to conclude what Rayyan was doing was fun, he grabbed the food container together with the lid and run away. That somebody was Furqan. While I was calling Furqan (with high pitched tone) to give it back to his brother, Rayyan who was not bought with my consolation, cried his heart out and thrown himself purposely (as sign of protest). Unfortunately it was not a safe landing. His head banged on the thin comforter (toto) and the pillow was slightly away from the fall. As a result, his crying up to another level (sigh).

Due to that also, suddenly, Farhan started to cry. I was startled. Perhaps because of the racket from his brother’s fall and cry or maybe (this is just my suspicion, never was proved haha) he felt the pain the way his brother was feeling, quite absurd really. Looking at the scene, feeling guilty maybe,suddenly Furqan came, knelt and holding the lid and the food container on his brother chest, trying his best to make up with his brother. His gesture and with a bit of my support, Rayyan’s crying slowly subsided.

I was relief when Rayyan stopped crying and tried my best to calm Farhan down.

Actually, it was great seeing the kids trying to persuade each other when one of them was crying. There were times also when Farhan was crying (because of many reasons), one of his brother (normally Rayyan) would come and pat gently on any part of his younger brother body, likely to cheer his brother up and for him to stop crying. I also had seen Farhan done the same too! How ingenious!

I hope when they grow up, they will support each other like that too InsyaAllah.

undivided attention

undivided attention

Because my sons, like Albus Dumbledore had said ‘We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided’.

My love towards the three of you is always undivided.

*big hug

Qider Firdaus
Bandar Baru Bangi

p(^_^)q

gambaru!