I had two stories today.
One is mine, the other is from a father who had a special child.
I had wrote this at my page, and I received a private message from a mother who had brain injured children, yes, child in plural. Children who had brain injury. I know how it feels although my children are maybe, well, mild.
Then it occurred to me, why not I share this in my blog. It may reach those who had brain injured children like us too.
So the stories go like this.
Me and my third son
I went to Nury parenting class last weekend. For refreshment.
In the class, during ‘unconditional love’ topic, Kak Azlila was talking about tantrum and how to manage it. Suddenly I remember, I do have question regarding the matter. I raised my hand and asked for her advice about a problem that I had with my third son, the twin boys’ younger brother.
He had his tantrum, with so many issues including, ‘I don’t want to wash my hand and you can’t make me do it’, he will screamed his heart out, so I tried to handle him the way I handle his twin brothers.
With his twin brothers, I will just need to hug very tight and offer a little explanation or give them solutions (e.g : you have to choose between this or that), they will insyaAllah give in.
But with this boy, no, you will not get out easily. When I tried to hug him or touch him gently, he will kicked me or spanked me, he repelled. When I walked away, he will start screaming back again.
If I let him be, he won’t stop screaming for hours,seriously.
It became a tug of war between us. The most I did with him (hug, walk away, come back to him and hug) was 5 times.
Imagine when he did it in public.
Then Kak Azlila asked me, ‘so what did you do after that?’
I will hug him tightly, rock him back and forth, how much he spanked or kicked, I will hold myself together, and whispered to his ear, ‘please help me, I love you’. Then after a while he gave in.
So Kak Azlila responded, ‘there, you already have your solution!’
Kak Azlila made few comments after that, but I will share it later. Maybe in another entry insyaAllah.
A father and his son
This is another story, she shared it in class,
There is a father who had an autistic child. He also had another child, a son, the elder one, who is average or as we always used to say, normal.
This child, always throw tantrums, in short always the trouble maker. It made the father stressed, and he didn’t know what to do.
One day, when the father got home, he hugged that son tightly.
And this son,
slumped to his father and cried.
His father cried too.
You know what this father says?
‘I finally realized, I had another child too’.
Acknowledge our average children too
It was hard for a family having special children,
brain injured children,
when we also have other children who are average,
who are not brain injured to look after too.
The conflict of love, attention seeking, is endless.
Most of the times, parents tend to forget to let the other children get involved. We always assumed that they will understand. Or, we used to think too, they always get in our way. In their annoying scheme.
Kids, they are clever. They see how their parents struggled helping their other siblings,
they understand. They do.
But they also wanted to be sure that we love them too, so much, like we love their brain injured brothers or sisters.
Talk to them, discuss with them.
Get to know their days, although when your head is full with your brain injured child’s tentative.
When they throw tantrum, remember it was the tip of the iceberg.
They had a lot to say about what they feel inside, the easiest and fastest way is to throw tantrum or do something that will make us change our focus to them, at once.
Because when they wanted to talk, we had so little time or almost none to them.
They are waiting silently for us to come to them.
They love us from afar, but we hardly notice it.
So parents, of brain injured child (or if you are like me, having more than one brain injured child), if you had other children, normal, please, notice them.
Give them your undivided attention too.
Praise them and told them how much you appreciate them being such a nice brother or sister while you are tending to his or her brain injured siblings.
Get them involved if they wanted to help.
I know, it was not easy, it never was, but then there always God for us to seek help right?
May Allah ease us always.
He always near, always close to us.
Mother of twin boys and their younger siblings