Growing up with them (Part 14)

In episode : Please don’t grow up too fast

I have a friend who has a beautiful daughter. I envy for the fact that her daughter can speak and will always comforted her whenever she cried.  That little girl knows how or who will make her mother happy and even suggested calling that particular person when she saw how miserable her mother was. I was totally thrown with such thoughtfulness from that little girl. And I was forever hoping for a girl or maybe twin girls. But, for the time being, God had not granted it, yet. Maybe He has other plan work out for me.

Nevertheless, I am still blessed with children, even though they are all boys. Three charming and healthy boys. They cannot speak fluently, even a simple word, yet. All they do was pointed, nod and cried out loud to express their thought or need. When they ‘speak’, I hardly understand what they were telling me about, because it has no head nor tail of words. They can’t even address me as I wanted them to. Well maybe it was my entire fault too.

There was one time that I had been silent for several days. No talking, no screaming and I have been distant from them too. My face was extremely tight and I never smile as I can’t. My jaw, the entire face felt like it has been cemented and hardened. I really wanted to hug them, to play with them, laugh at their ‘jokes’ but I refrained myself from it. I am so down, I thought of leaving the house but I can’t, I just can’t, because deep down, I still need them. And I don’t know how much longer God will lend them to me.

When I went to the kitchen to prepare food that time, Furqan came to me. He poked my back, ‘asking’ how am I doing. His face looked serious. When I smiled at him and he smiled back to me, only then he left to play. His brother who was standing and observing us, also left ‘with a high spirit’ when he saw me respond well to Furqan.

There were several times too when my face looked infuriated or had a long face for some reason, one of the twin will looked at me and copied exactly like it. Somehow it says, ‘Mom, you look awful, like this,’ and when I smiled and hugged them, they would responded with a tight hug.

Honestly, I was afraid of my action nowadays. They were all not very positive. I am afraid that I encouraged my children to something that I don’t want them to do and to be. However, actions speak louder than words.

my precious heroes

my precious heroes

Boys, don’t grow up too fast. I had a lot to improve. And I don’t want to regret the time I lost molding you to be a better man. Maybe we can learn together. Learn to be a better person, and be a better person, before we die.

I love you, three of you, so much.

Somehow, I crave for your love towards me too.

Let’s grow together.

Qider Firdaus
Bandar Baru Bangi



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